Toilet humour

So there we were in the Pentagon Centre in Chatham last Sunday afternoon when Benny suddenly announced he needed to go to the toilet. So Daddy leaves mummy in Woolworths (they were still in business then) and heads off to the toilet.

As we arrive and go in through the door the lights go off and we are informed that the toilets are now closed. I point at Benny and say “He really needs the loo” to which the answer is “tough” – nice!

At that moment the door to the mother and baby room opens and a woman comes out with two small girls who are in tears. “excuse me” she says “the lights have gone off”. I tell her that the toilets are now closed and she says that they could have checked there was no one in there before just switching the lights off. I point out Benny’s predicament and she tells me to nip into the mother and baby room.

As I sit Benny on the loo the door shuts leaving us in pitch darkenss. I figure he won’t like this and that if the door is closed we might get locked in there which would be nice on a Sunday afternoon! So I move back a step or two and jam the door open with my foot. As I stand there providing light for Ben to have a wee wee I hear a plop followed quickly by another plop.

Oh bollocks he’s had a poo!

Now I have a major problem. I need to go and wipe his bum but if I let go of the door it closes and I can’t find the toilet paper….or his bum and if I manage to wipe it then how will i know it’s clean.

What to do? what to do? what to do?

I know…….

……I take off my coat and chuck in onto the (probably filthy) floor in the vain hope that it will keep the door open. After two or three attempts it does actually work. I manage to wipe his bum and pull his trousers up and just as we go to leave here comes mummy – arriving just too late like the US cavalry!!

And before I can even put my coat on the attendant has locked the door and is off – the time is now 5 minutes to 4 – five minutes before the published closing time of the toilets!


Running down the line

Yellow lines

This is the road round the corner from us. Yesterday two men from Medway Council came and changed the single yellow lines to double yellow lines where they go round the corner onto our road. This is obviously to stop people parking right on the junction – not that it’s ever caused problems in the past but I digress!

Anyway what I can’t understand is that if you look at the picture you will see a short stretch of single yellow between the new section of double lines and the residents parking bay marked by a white box. This section of single yellow line is about big enough to get a Smart car onto if it’s parked end on to the pavement. Oh and the other side of the road is the same!

So why not just take the double yellow up to the residents parking bay or better still as it’s a residential street leave a strip of single yellow that a car could park on during off peak hours. That’s the problem with Medway Council – no one thinks!!

Oh and that bloke gave me such a mean look for taking this picture!!