So there we were in the Pentagon Centre in ChathamÂ last Sunday afternoon when Benny suddenly announced he needed to go to the toilet. So Daddy leaves mummy in Woolworths (they were still in business then) and heads off to the toilet.
As we arrive and go in through the door the lights go off and we are informed that the toilets are now closed. I point at Benny and say “He really needs the loo” to which the answer is “tough” – nice!
At that moment the door to the mother and baby room opens and a woman comes out with two small girls who are in tears. “excuse me” she says “the lights have gone off”. I tell her that the toilets are now closed and she says that they could have checked there was no one in there before just switching the lights off. I point out Benny’s predicament and she tells me to nip into the mother and baby room.
As I sit Benny on the loo the door shuts leaving us in pitch darkenss. I figure he won’t like this and that if the door is closed we might get locked in there which would be nice on a Sunday afternoon! So I move back a step or two and jam the door open with my foot. As I stand there providing light for Ben to have a wee wee I hear a plop followed quickly by another plop.
Oh bollocks he’s had a poo!
Now I have a major problem. I need to go and wipe his bum but if I let go of the door it closes and I can’t find the toilet paper….or his bum and if I manage to wipe it then how will i know it’s clean.
What to do? what to do? what to do?
……I take off my coat and chuck in onto the (probably filthy) floor in the vain hope that it will keep the door open. After two or three attempts it does actually work. I manage to wipe his bum and pull his trousers up and just as we go to leave here comes mummy – arriving just too late like the US cavalry!!
And beforeÂ I can even put my coat on the attendant has locked the door and is off – the time is now 5 minutes to 4 – five minutes before the published closing time of the toilets!